CityRNinBushAK: If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are? T. S. Eliot

If anyone wants to complain about their "cold" and "gross" spring weather please know that this picture was take May 7th:

All kinds of snow!

Winter likes to hold on tight up here! Secretly I find it nice that the sun isn't blasting into my apartment until midnight on days like that.

At work we have been having a rash of attempted suicides, lots of alcoholism, and many many pregnancy issues. One of the days I worked was so incredibly hard for me. And it didn't really hit me until later that night after all was said and done. A young lady came in and she was so excited that she was pregnant. Her and her sister were both pregnant and they were only a few weeks apart. This was her first pregnancy; she was beaming. She came in because she had been bleeding, and was worried that something may have been wrong. She was in the very early stages of her pregnancy. We tried to find fetal heart tones and there were none to be found. Telling that girl that there were no heart sounds that were detectable and watching her face, it was like her soul was slowly fading from her. I asked her if there was anyone she wanted to call, or wanted us to call, or if she wanted to talk to anyone, and she denied all of them. It was all I could do to not crawl into that bed with her and hold her. No one should ever have to see the face that I saw that day. After she left the ER I wondered if had done enough. And you know I did. I did everything I could do for that girl. There was nothing else I could have said or done. And I find that comforting. We also got a lot of people in for alcohol withdraw, and hangover symptoms. I'm not gonna lie, I thought CU-Boulder and the like all had pretty solid drinking as a sport reputations... No no no. This place takes it to a WHOLE.new.level. We have had people that were walking, talking, completely coherent come in for suicidal ideations (as a precaution we always take a breathalyzer) this person blew a .247.... umm i would be in a coma. It's actually kind of amazing, and I am kind of impressed (in a very perverse way) that this person wasn't even remotely acting drunk or tipsy. Incredible. Just another day. I know I post the sad stuff a lot, it's the stuff that affects me the most. I'm just letting it out. We have lots of very run of the mill and normal ER things like headaches, chest pains, phantom abdominal pains, broken fingers and toes and the like. But we also see a lot of stuff a lot places don't see. Did you know my hospital services over 44,000 square MILES?! that's bigger than the entire state of West Virginia. Holy cow!

We also ran a mock mass casualty drill. I got to be the person that stickered and braceleted the incoming wounded. I think I did pretty okay. Now I get to help with updating the current protocol. That should look pretty nifty on my resume, helped to reform our Community Medical Emergency protocol! I think at least it will.

I now have 3 days of rest until I get back to it! The weather is starting to break, and the sun should be back soon! I haven't heard when I will be heading to Anchorage for a month. Perhaps I will know as soon as next week... but I'm betting that I won't know until about 24-48 hours before I'm supposed to be on the plane out of town. Seems pretty par for the course ;)

Here are some pictures from the last few days. The clouds here are pretty incredible. and the pictures just look like paintings. I also want to give a shout out to my wonderful Jack! Thank you for the HUGE puzzle and the typed letter! I also got a package from my mom and grandma! I opened it in front of my friend Emily and she said I was so lucky to get such a yummy care package!! Thank you all so much! Well I suppose I will go to the gym now and get that over with. I love you all!