Man only likes to count his troubles, but he does not count his joys. - Fyodor Dostoevsky

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

It has been another long month without a post! So many things have happened in the last month. I have weathered through a little heartache, but mostly it's been a pretty good.  I have accepted a position at the Alaska Native Medical Center (ANMC), and will be starting Jan 13th.  My last day at the hospital in Nome is Christmas, and I leave Dec 27th for Anchorage! YAY! I am headed to Anchorage tomorrow to find a place to live and to buy a car.  I will be heading to Denver at the end of December to ship all of my stuff that was so carefully placed in that storage unit not so long ago.  The four week count down has begun.  In the Thanksgiving spirit I will list 30 things I am thankful for this year. In no particular order

1. One of the most supportive and accepting families. Even from 4 time zones away just knowing that everyone is a phone call away (and at absurd Alaska hours it's mildly early for mom and dad)

2. My old friends from Alaska, Ohio, Colorado, and Washington.  That will let me call and just meltdown without any judgement at all. The best of friends are the ones that let you do this and support you all the way to the bitter end of whatever nonsense has gotten you so upset.

3. My new friends in Nome and Anchorage.  A new adventure, and new companions to help make the journey worthwhile and unforgettable!

4. Bentley.  I miss my kitty. He comes home with me Jan 6th.

5. The road system. 

6. Milk that doesn't cost $12/gal

7. Gas that is under $6/gal

8. A car to sing in at the top of my lungs, to drive aimlessly when I need to clear my head, a place to cry and let the emotion out. 

9. That my car can't talk, or express any of the above. Same goes for the cat... and the cat knows too much... we've been buddies for 11 years. College... both times, break ups, get togethers, too much wine nights... seriously... good thing Bentley can't talk.

10. Wine nights with friends!

11. Roads that are paved.

12. Roads that aren't paved

13. The ability to up and travel, move around, and not be held accountable to anyone but myself.

14. Crystal clear night skies in Nome. Stars like I have never experienced.

15. My general health and well-being.  Even though it's really taken a toll the last month.  Now that I know I am headed back to a city, things are starting to get better.

16. SAD lamp.  (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

17. The sun.  You never really miss something until you don't see it for weeks on on end.  But I also now understand why animals look for sunny spots.  I find when I am out and about during the day on my days off that I will stand in front of a window with the sun shining in and just look out and close my eyes and just feel the rays of the sun.  It's like breathing in new life.

18. To have had the opportunity to live in a remote town, off the road system, on the edge of the earth and help take care of a population that most of the country has never heard of. To be part of the minority. To be able to make their day a little better because I can help them.  To know that their culture has accepted me as I have accepted their culture. To have met a people that are so generous and giving that I could never repay what they have given to me.

19. I am thankful for the opportunities I have been given to see many parts of the great state of Alaska with new friends. 

20. I am thankful for a resilient heart.

21. I am thankful that I can and will always wear my heart on my sleeve. I love with my whole heart. I don't know how to do it any other way.  For the good or the bad. This is certainly a double edged sword, but at least my heart is resilient

22. Apple juice

23. Hot yoga

24. Friends that will just hop on a plane willy nilly and fly to Anchorage!

25. Friends that will just hop on a plane willy nilly and fly to Iceland!

26. Friends that accept you back into the fold no matter how long you have been gone.

27. All My Kitties.  You have cared for Bentley for so many months and have made sure he has been healthy and happy, you have kept me updated, and sent me pictures. 

28. "The Art of Happiness" by Dalai Lama

29. Hot tea on cold nights

30. Dirtrude. And that she is coming to Anchorage with me (she also can't talk!)

Lindy is coming to Anchorage today, me too!! Pictures will get posted probably early next week.  Love to every one!

Despair is a narcotic. It lulls the mind into indifference. - Charlie Chaplin

So long Anchorage. Until we meet again.

I have talked to a lot of you about Nome,and how I'm doing; how it's not nearly as cheery of a picture as I paint on this little blog I have. 

I have been having a really hard time here. I sound really happy about it all, but this place sucks the absolute life out someone that is a city person at heart. Sure I love to get out of the city, rough it in the woods, go days without showering, exploring places that others think... WTF? But this place? This place is a constant reminder that I do like the road system, I do like seeing more than the same 5 people every day... in the city you can feel so alone because you are surrounded by so many anonymous faces... turns out I prefer that kind of lonely to this secluded loneliness that allows me to dwell on the small trivial things in life. And those trivial things become huge mountains of anguish... because... there is nothing to keep me from thinking otherwise.  I don't live in reality. I live daily in non-reality.  It's interesting to think about, and it was pretty okay for the first little bit. The sun was always out, there were always people to go 4-wheeling with back into the hills, or up towards the fish camp that is 15 miles up the beach.  But right now?   We have 8 hours of daylight. We lose 6 minutes every day... that is 1 hour every 10 days. Nothing is frozen over, there is not nearly enough snow to snowmachine on.., in fact there isn't any snow on the ground at all in town. It falls at night and melts during our 8 hours of daylight turning every street in town into a complete mud pit.  It's blowing 25mph all day, every day, and pouring rain.  Let me just say that riding a 4-wheeler in that kind of weather just sucks.  No matter the windshield or the hand grip warmers.

This place is also starting to take a serious toll on my physical well-being. I can barely eat, I sleep all the time, I look forward to my three days of work because it is actually something to do.  I can only go to the same three bars with the same group of people seeing all the people I take care of in the ER so many days in a row.  There is absolutely nothing to do in this town.  Nothing. I am going stir crazy. Literally crazy.   No amount of wine, puzzles, small dinner parties, or the promise of trips out of town.. to a road system! and more than one radio station! and enough bandwidth to actually stream things from the internet (holy first world problems.. I know!)! has been able to help.  

I went to Anchorage on Sunday. I had spent the last 3 weeks in Nome, working, and realizing that I was slowly losing my sanity.  Some very wondrous things happened in Anchorage that I am not at liberty to post on this very public forum.  If you are interested please email or text me.  Things are looking up, and things are looking bright, and even though I have that in my mind... I still had to come back to Nome.  Before getting on the plane my stomach turned to knots again, anxie-rrhea... I have 6 nights of work ahead of me then a day off to get back on a non-vampire schedule, then a trip to the lower-48! I will be giving a talk to the next class of nurses that will be graduating from Seattle University next Friday morning.  Telling them of my experience. My adventure. My reality living in a place, that to me, is so far removed from reality.  Perhaps if it was all that I had ever known it would be such a nice place to live. 

I will always have that city streak in me.  A place to get my eyebrows waxed, hot yoga, a place to get tea at any time, more than 3 restaurants to choose from, reliable cell service, reliable internet, paved roads, not having to wear ski goggles because of the dust/rain/wind... you know normal stuff.  I can't apologize for any of those things. It is just me.  Maybe being more off the beaten path but still having a city to go to that doesn't require an hour plane ride or a dog sled team to get to could be plausible.  Just thinkin out loud. One thing is certain.. and that is nothing in life is certain.

So if in the last month or so you have noticed a shift my mood, now you know why.  I will keep trying to make the best of this situation that, in the end, I have chosen for myself.  I chose this ride. I chose to live in Nome. I chose to work in Nome. And now I'm figuring out how to deal.  

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. - Confucius

The harbor, and the view from dinner

 This is from the little trip I took to Seward, AK to visit one of the doctors that also works in Nome. She is one of the best docs in Nome and I was so thankful that she was gracious enough to let me stay at her place for a few nights!

The rest of the pictures are from Homer, California and pictures of Nome!

Exit Glacier, just outside of Seward

The view driving into Homer, AK

Leave it to the bathroom in a bar to have such a positive message!

This is the little hostel/homestead T and I stayed at on our
 Homer adventure

These ponies are doing it right!

One of the owners of Seaside Farms has an incredible artistic
touch. Loved this!

Marine Highway ship coming in

Sunset over Kachemak Bay

Little drops of heaven come from here ;)

First stop on the wine tour was Frogs Leap

Enjoying a Petite Syrah while taking in the gardens

Sporting CU stuff ;) 

Next stop Francis Coppola winery!

Loved the views of the endless vineyards

Me and Leah getting ready for a wedding!!

A picture of my kitchen. My pots and pans hang over the sink! 

The Alaska Airlines Eskimo on the tail is keeping watch
at the airport

Me in my fancy "Safety
Patrol" hat

The gray house is my best friends house.  This is the view
from my living room window.  Cheers Jesse!

An angry sea today. 

Goodness is the only investment that never fails. - Henry David Thoreau

I know it's been a long time without an update and I am so so so sorry! It's been a busy past month, with lots of ups and downs, and me trying to find my way through life... you know the standard being 30 in a town far far away. Besides working at the hospital in Anchorage I also did a little sight seeing as well! I was able to make it down the Seward and to stunning Homer, AK. I went to Napa Valley in California to watch one of my best friends from nursing school get married, and spent some time with my incredible friend Leah and her husband bubby.  I also took my certification test to be a board certified ER nurse. I won't find out the results for another 4 weeks or so. So fingers crossed! Plus do you know how daunting of a task it seems with every passing day that I don't write that I will need to write about that passing day... now times that by 6 weeks... I don't really know where to start.

 I finished up my stint in Anchorage at the hospital there. I got to see and work with really sick patients, watch a few die, save a few, and deal with the drunk and disorderly.  I have seen the best in people and the absolute worst. I reflect on the words of doctors and nurses a like.  We had a woman brought to us via Anchorage PD for a suspected sexual assault. So that sucks.  But then you get the story from the girl.  You hear it, you want to believe it, you bring them back into the ER, you tell them that the doc is going to need to evaluate them. She refused the evaluation. And it was an interesting thing.  Do you be naive and believe her or are you the asshole because you don't? The general consensus was that if you can't see it... it didn't happen.  How weird to feel both naive and like an asshole at the same time, and yet I still haven't made a real opinion on what had happened. I got to see lots of overdoses, attempted suicides, WAY drunk people, lots of synthetic marijuana (spice).... which is HORRIBLE stuff... legalize the real stuff and ban that fake stuff!  I got to help with putting in chest tubes, and rapid sequence intubations. All good things to have done a few times because the chances of doing them in Nome are few and far between. I also had a few "what the fuck am I doing? why am I nurse?" moments... Those weren't so fun.  I asked a few of the new friends I made if this was "normal" and a few of them candidly told me that they had been having those exact thoughts for 5 years, and that it is indeed normal. Asking my nursing school friends the same question.... I'm not alone either.  

Speaking of Nome I am finally in my own Nome nice place! It's a cute stand alone 1 bedroom house. Yes it has running water, plumbing, heat, windows, floors that aren't dirt, electricity, cable and internet! It's like I walk in and I am in the lower 48! Hahahaha!! Almost! I have my own little deep freeze freezer because i have a micro freezer in the fridge that doesn't hold more than ice cubes. My new little freezer holds my 10lb bags of frozen chicken breasts, and my 5lb of steak, ice, butter, milk, all the things I buy in bulk in Anchorage and bring back to Nome with me. I will post pictures of my place once all the boxes and totes are removed and my clothes are hidden from view!   The weather is changing and it has been snowing a little, and raining and 35 degrees a lot. The wind is picking up and it most certainly feels like winter is coming.  I bought a snowmachine when I was in Anchorage. T and his friends are going to teach me how to ride it and I will ship it to Nome in January some time.  Don't worry there is plenty of snow on the ground in Nome until around May so I will still be using it as my daily driver for awhile after I get it up here.  I have been asked to be the medical staff for the Nome to Golovin snowmachine race by one of the local snowmachine/4-wheeler shops (the one I frequent quite often)... that should be a nice resume booster... certainly unique if nothing else.  Dirtrude has been upgraded again to nice warm grips for my hands.  They get HOT! even on the lowest setting.  I'm sure this is something that I won't regret.

I'm back to night shift now in Nome, it's a nice change of pace. I am really enjoying it.  We get more actual sick people than people that come for a well baby check up (Yes they bring their healthy babies to the nasty, gross, germ filled ER for this.... WTF?).  For those wondering we are still getting about 9 hours of daylight now. The sun doesn't come up until around 9am though.  We've had some really good aurora sightings around here when the sky has been clear.  So far we haven't much excitement at night. Just had a pt come in and drop a knife at my feet with cuts all over their arms saying they wanted to hurt themselves... talk about dramatic entrances... jesus. I know I may sound a little cold in saying stuff like that, but if you were to know the entire back story... This individual needs more help than may be available in the state.  They know all the right things to say to get in the door and all the right things to be let out the door. Manipulative, and cunning.  I also saw something I hope to never see again and that is a unilateral (one side of the body only) seizing 3-month old baby with absolutely no fever at all.  The team in the hospital (Hey I was included in the team this time! YYYEEESSS!) got this very sick kiddo from door to in the air in 1.5 hours. This is medicine in rural Alaska.  I am just so thankful that the baby stopped seizing after we finally got medication into it, and also that the weather was clear enough for our little King Air to get off the ground and to Anchorage where this kiddo needed to be.

So for now I have had 4 days off and I have stayed in Nome for all of them... I must be sick! It's been good though. I have been out with other nurses from the acute care unit, my old roommate Megan came back to town to visit her boyfriend, I was able to go and partake in a Mexican potluck dinner and other festivities! Making new Nomite friends! And keeping my old ones too :)  I go back to Anchorage for a haircut and such  on Sunday.  It has only been like 8 months since my last trim and my hair is WAY to long.... it takes 4 hair ties to keep it up at the gym! That is just insanity! NO! So I will take about 4"-6" off and the best part? no one will be able to tell the difference.  Long hair is awesome like that.

We have been having serious Nome problems lately.  The post office is down two people and the packages are backing up for everyone! I fear when it is time for me to receive all the packages I have been ordering the last 3-4 weeks and my from Ohio box filled with flour, sugar and brown sugar (That stuff is SUPER heavy and dense and takes up too much room in my totes when I travel for how much they weigh!) that I will be yelled at for not picking up my boxes in a timely fashion.... or there will be so many that I will have to drive out by the airport to the annex and fetch them all!

Life is okay up here in the tundra.  And hey fake it til ya make it right?

Until later (which I promise will be sooner than this post came about) lovelies! I will post pictures tomorrow some time! 

The dice of Zeus always fall luckily. -Sophocles

It's been a week since I have been in the big city.  I have been able to transition to nights pretty easily. Turns out my insomnia kicks in pretty well around 3am and I'm good until about 5am when I get really sleepy and then come 715 I will be showered and in bed. Then I wake up at 3pm and do it all again.  I have seen some pretty crazy stuff since I've been here.  I've seen what a high heel can do to a persons face when it is used as a weapon. I have seen what a brick can do to a persons face too. I have watched someone die. I have watched a man try so hard for so long to breathe and a heart rate above 150 beats a minute for over 5 hours get intubated and watched their core temp just sink sink sink. And I got to see the dysfunction that happens when the critical care nurse that is going to take that poor soul prioritizes her morning coffee over the care of this individual because we need to transport this patient around 5 minutes before shift change.  Good to know that Nome isn't the only dysfunctional place around. Don't worry I still get see my fair share of drunks too.  Had a lovely come in high on spice and a BAC of 331.  Perfect combination for a person to be completely insane. And they were.  Found completely naked running around a neighborhood. And I got to see when three teenagers beat up an elderly person and put him in the ICU with a brain bleed from the impact of his fall.  What the hell is wrong with people?

Also this is what happens when you have a few cocktails and decide that trimming your tree with a chainsaw on top of a 10' ladder and the branch you cut down first hit you and knocks you off the ladder and you land on a chair.  Guess he was lucky enough to get away without anything but a broken femur.

I like driving a car again. It's also pretty nice going to Dairy Queen and getting an Oreo and Peanut butter cup blizzard.   Also it's a little weird having a glass of wine at 7am.  It's totally legit, but it seems weird.  Oh well. Everyone is entitled to a cocktail after a 12 hour shift. Done and done.

I have the next 4 days off before my next shift. Who knows where I will go and explore. But I will surely let you know.

Until next time lovelies!

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Salmon Lake

Monday my new roomie and one of the other ER nurses went on an epic 4-wheel ride out to a place called Salmon Lake.  It was a 35 mile ride north of Nome.  Majority of the ride was on a really well kept dirt road.  Here are some pictures of this awesome ride.  It didn't rain on us, but man it sure looked like it wanted to.  And that would have been a miserable 35 mile ride back home with the wind.... Thank you baby Jesus. And here are some pictures!

Clouds being chased away by the sun

The river that flows into Salmon Lake

I see all the fishies... I want to catch one! 

Hunting Salmon

Failure. But hey at least I gave it the old college
try. And we all know how good I am at college. 

Look at all these blueberries! They go for $25 a quart! and
they were EVERYWHERE out here

Just a beautiful ride. The way the clouds put shadows on the
hills and the mountains.. Love.

Came across these guys! REINDEER! EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

They must be on their way to find Santa

Small river crossing

Our tundra beasts! 

Grand total of 72 miles of riding that day.  My hips still kind of hurt! But we had so so so much fun.  I love being able to go and check out the surrounding areas.  I certainly did a little hunting for some good snow machining and skiing... this is going to be a fun winter :)

I am off to Anchorage tonight!

Until next time lovelies!!

I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it. - Clint Eastwood

My beloved Boulder

Top of Mt. Evans

This past week I surprised one my most bestest of friends on her birthday by showing up on her doorstep in Denver.  It was absolutely OUTSTANDING! I had a 13 hour layover in Anchorage so I could spend a little time with T, and then headed on the red-eye to Denver.  Danielle's fiance was in on the whole thing and picked me up bright and early and after I got to their house Danielle and I had some serious adventure time! We hit up Boulder, where I purchased my mandatory CU t-shirt (GO BUFFS! The goal this season is: win at least 1 game!), and Denver Broncos attire.  It's also where D realized, after our waitress pointed out to us after ordering birthday drinks, that her ID expired that day and that she needed a new ID that day... perfect.  Drunk and go to the DMV?  What could possibly go wrong?   Well we didn't make it to the DMV, but we did get it renewed online, in time, so the rest of our celebration weekend could commence without incident.  Way to go Colorado. Making it hard for a 31 year old to get a drink the day after they turn 31....  Anyways. D and I were going to go drive up Pikes Peak and play tourist in Colorado Springs and Garden of the Gods. We were so pumped to go! The next morning we wake up to the news that Manitou Springs (you have to drive through this to get to Pikes Peak) had basically washed away in a flash flood.... change of plans! Let's go to Mt. Evans! So we did. And we got to hike the last little bit in fresh

Fresh snow dusted on the top!

slushy snow... winter is coming :) I know.  I am a completely sick individual. A lot of my favorite Denver people all came to a bottomless mimosa brunch in Denver. I felt like I had never left.

14,258ft 

We had lovely afternoons by the pool, and went for a hike in the foothills a few minutes from D's house.  It was so nice to fall asleep to rolling thunder one night, and the sounds of crickets the other nights.  I miss those nights.  In Nome I just hear dirt bikes and kids playing basketball until like 4am....(another rant for another day).  Plus this is the view from my bedroom window... and they start work at exactly 650am.  UGH.

My beautiful view! Earth mover!

After 3 days with D we had a custody handoff and I stayed with my friend Lindy who lives pretty much at the Denver airport, and she dropped me off on her way to work.  I then landed in sunny and warm Seattle and got to see Bentley and some nursing school friends as I had a 20 hour layover there.  I was again reminded of how at home I feel in the city of Seattle.  Bittersweet for sure.  I was accosted by a homeless person and it was like I had never left.  Seattle you sure are different. And I like that.  But at the end of this tour of the places I have lived in the last 10 years I was ready to go Nome. Like really ready to go Nome.  Back to where life is slow and steady. Back to where shaving my legs is completely optional.... because why would I ever wear shorts or skirts here? It's not like it's necessarily... warm.

Red Rocks

I came back to 4 days straight of work (Thurs-Sun), and I leave for Anchorage for a month on Wednesday.  I will be going to nights (630p-7a).  Perhaps this will work better with my insomnia.  It's been a rough couple of nights sleeping, which leads to really rough 12 hour shifts. Plus I think I do my best sleeping between the hours of 7am and noon.

Old stomping grounds as seen from the big ferris wheel

One ironically placed photo

So I have now completed my 4 days in a row... rounded out the last day as more of a 14 hour shift.  The storm clouds descended upon Nome and EVERYONE came to the hospital... at around 5pm... pleasant.  Overdoses, falling off of ladders, chronic shortness of breath, drinking so much, so often that you throw up blood because your body has run out of ways to tell you.... stop drinking already, random abdominal pains, pink eye, and other such random crises that the people of this town have.  Silver lining? No sexual assaults!

Bentley loves this

I have really started thinking about home. Where it is? What makes it a home? I feel very transient in my life. I have half my life sitting in a storage unit in Denver, my cat lives in Seattle, and my skis and clothes live in Nome.  I have amazing friends in all these places, wonderful memories.  But none of them feels like home anymore.  What an interesting and unfamiliar feeling this is.  To be so scattered yet still feel somewhat grounded.  Maybe this bird just isn't ready to nest yet.  I wonder when that will happen?  I think I'm like one of a handful of my friends that doesn't own a home, isn't engaged, married, having babies, has babies.  I just work at the edge of nowhere, save for retirement, and travel where I wish, when I wish.  The grass is always greener right? Probably been fertilized with bullshit though.

Someone is enjoying his time on the deck in the sunshine

Kisses for mama!

Don't feel too bad for Bentley. This is his view over Lake Washington

Time to enjoy my last three days in Nome before my month at the Native health center in Anchorage.  I will continue to update!!!

Love to all my lovelies! 

If Pizza sizes were given in area not diameter, you'd see instantly that a 7 inch is less than half the size of a 10 inch pie - Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Hatchers Pass (Willow side)

Coming around the pass

Selfie with Hatchers in the background

Welcome back to my reality. Nome! It was a good week in Anchorage, did a little hot yoga, sat around in a tub tub for awhile, crashed a wedding (It was just like any other outdoor wedding! Just happened to have the Chugach mountain range as its backdrop), and took a road trip up over Hatchers Pass. T and I stopped at the "worlds BEST ice cream" on our little road trip... I'm not gonna lie.. def NOT the best. God I miss being able to just hop in the car and just leaving. Going away, taking in sights and sounds of new places, or even just different places.  I reminisce about all the drives back in Ohio to the barn and back, or when I would drive to Estes Park when I was in Boulder just to get away from normal.  You don't realize how much you miss these little things until it's not really possible to do it whenever you wish.  Granted I can take my Dirtrude out and just haul-ass down the beach... but man it's not supposed to stop raining here until maybe Tuesday... and of course I will be working. Ha! Nomed.

Stormy beach days

I just had three days of work and now I am hanging out on the couch trying to fend off some illness that some sick individual decided to share with me. GROSS.

It's looking like I will be heading to Anchorage for training for a month at the end of August.  I will be starting nights there and continue with night shift when I get back to Nome sometime at the end of September.   I am pretty excited about going to nights, different vibe, different speed, different clientele. Hopefully I won't have to see all the people that just waste away taxpayers dollars by coming to the ER for things like "my child has had a cough for the last 6 hours" or "I need an STD check".... uuuggggghhhhhh enough to drive you CRAZY!   Instead I will probably end up babysitting drunk people... Guess I'm just picking my poison.

So 4 months into my 24 month stint, 30 posts, and roughly 2500 views from people all over the country and the world; this blogging stuff isn't so bad.

Not a whole lot more to say. Just ready for some more tea and couch time (read as nap time). Maybe some wine time too. Cheers to health!

Here are a few random pictures that I don't know where to put:

If you look close enough that sign says: USSR Big Diomede Way to keep things current Nome... 

A horrible picture of my AMAZING print that I picked up in Chitina, AK during my last road trip

Clouds and sunshine from the plane back to Nome

Gnome from Nome! Hand carved walrus ivory statue
made for me. I asked for a garden gnome with an
Eskimo face and a harpoon :)

So long lovelies!